Example of how to convert “Telling” into “Showing
Instead of writing: “Pallavi seemed as if she had walked out of a nightmare,” VIPRA chose to add graphic detail and do the SHOWING…
When Pallavi rang the doorbell, her mother moved to the door. She let out a shriek when she saw her. Pallavi flinched. She knew she looked awful. Judging by her mother’s reaction, she was probably looking like hell.
“What happened to you? Are you okay Pallavi?” her mother asked letting loose a torrent of questions as her brow furrowed with lines of worry.
Pallavi’s legs felt like jelly as she hobbled her way to the mirror in the hallway beyond the dining room to look at herself. Her eyes widened and her hand went to her throat in a gesture of nervousness. This was not good.
Her hair was rumpled and messy and some of it stood up from her scalp as if electrified. It had unraveled from the neat bun she had made that morning. Now, only two pins clung valiantly to the tangled mess. Her cheeks and forehead had brown smudges of dirt. Her kajal had smeared around her eyes, giving her a ghost-like appearance. Her lipstick had been smudged, part of it had disappeared. There was trace of a smear where she had wiped it on the right corner of her lips. Her clothes had dirt and blades of grass sticking all over. There were some visible scars on her left shoulder and at her waist. She looked down at her feet and winced. Her feet were caked with mud. Her sandals were dirty and one of the straps had torn and the buckle to hold it was missing.
Thankfully, her heels had held or she would have had a tough time getting away from them. She had trembled all the way back in the car. She didn’t know how she had driven home.
She turned to her mother at last and tried to put on a smile but it seemed so uncertain. “I am fine, ma. I was chased in the park today by a big Alsatian dog. I fell in some bushes trying to get away from him. Thankfully, the owner arrived on time and took control. I was scared to death. You know how dogs scare me.”
The words tumbled out quickly from her lips lest her mother get suspicious. Her mother made a clucking sound and soothed her hand down Pallavi’s back.
“Go and take a bath. I’ll make some tea for you,” she said rushing to the kitchen.
Pallavi almost ran to her room in haste to get away before she lost her composure in front of her mother.
She locked the door and collapsed against the side of her bed. Sliding to the floor, she clutched her knees to her chin burying her face.
Pratik and she had decided to meet at the park. He was going to Australia in a couple of days and didn’t know when he would be back for the wedding. The secluded spot in the park under the shady trees, flower bushes all around and a wide metal bench in the middle seemed like the Garden of Eden. They had begun talking about settling down in Australia after their marriage. He had put his arm around her shoulders. She looked into his black eyes and smiled.
They drew closer…
As her cheeks warmed up, she could feel herself blushing. They had got carried away. As they lay together afterwards, they suddenly heard the hooligans lustily searching for trysting couples with lathis in their hands. Pallavi and Pratik grabbed their clothes from the ground and quickly dressed making a mad dash for the nearest exit. Pallavi fell in some bushes on the way aggravating her already wretched appearance. Luckily, they reached their car and sped off.
Thinking about her narrow escape, she finally smiled before ma came with steaming cups of tea.